Angrezi iz a Phunny Bhasha

We as an average Indian have a “dangerous” fascination with English language; after all we’re ruled by the owners of the language for more than 200 years. We proudly carry the idea of only English speaking are learned, well mannered Gentlemen/Ladies, which was ingrained in our psyche long before the independence. Except from British or Gora Sahabs, a significant credit must be given to lot of our so called posh and elite freedom fighters and the most important clan of modern Indian history (fortunately or unfortunately).

Anyway, a lot has been written and said about this and I leave that to more elite and literate writers/speakers. My objective here is to highlight some of the funny pieces from English language or misuse/mistakes of the same, which I have picked up during my extensive travels (Thanks to my profession) across the country. Source of most of these titles or one liners are sign boards, behind vehicles, menus at restaurants or some information boards in public places. 

Disclaimer – All these wordings have been picked from real life sources without any creative input of yours truly and its just a compilation with an intent to trickle your funny bone. I have no intention to hurt any caste, creed, region, religion, beep (read sex) or political party. Kindly take it in a spirit of fun and if you can’t bear with this, so what, kyunki, “Yaa toh aise hi chaalegi” (A common line on vehicles especially in North India, highlighting the arrogance of vehicle owner about his “DECENT and RULE BOOK based DRIVING SKILLS). I mentioned North India only – since I can’t read any other language, I am sure there must be similar versions across the country.

So here I start the literary master pieces:

Category 1 - Behind Vehicles

·         Guts and girls are for Jats

·         Gujjar – Name hi kaafi hai

·         I am innocent but......Gujjar

·         Use Diaper at Night

·         Hum 2 Hamare 2 – Pinky, Tinki, Shanky, Sweety, Honey te Bablu di Gaddi

Category 2 – Restaurant’s Menu

·         Akkha Nodal

·         Tamatar Kaun Soup

·         Chinese Bhel

·         Stupp Tomato

·         Veg Chowming (Courtesy Deepten Chatterjee)

Category 3 – Sign Boards

·         English Speakana Seekhen (somewhere in Gurgaon)

·         Arms and Legs Waxine (outside a beauty parlour in Ghaziabad)

·         Child Beer (Commonly seen)

·         English Wine and Beer Shop – yes there is nothing wrong in this. But once I was travelling with a British, he was surprised to see such boards everywhere because he said there is no such thing as English Wine or English Beer and also, most of them hardly sell Wine.

·         The masterpiece - Chast of Droz (Outside a Furniture Shop on MG Road)

·         And finally as they say, a picture speaks thousand words (at a wedding in Delhi)

So, hope you enjoyed reading these and there are many more, not publishing them all to keep it to a readable length. No wonder Big B said in Namak Halal, “English is a very phunny language”. It might not be true, but we do make it a more interesting and exciting one with our own adaptations or unintentional mistakes.

Yours Truly

A Proud Hindustani